When I self-published my first book, I didn’t feel as satisfied as my ten-year-old self imagined. I didn’t feel a weight being lifted off my chest. I didn’t jump for joy. I certainly didn’t feel like all my problems were over. I just felt normal. It was just another day.
I think I know why the Satisfaction Fairy never paid me a visit. I didn’t traditionally publish the book like I’ve always dreamed of doing. It wasn’t due to a lack of trying. I sent out around 100 queries to literary agents in 2017. There was a lot that I didn’t understand at the time, so most of those queries were pointless, but I still tried. I did my best to fulfill Little Kesten’s dream.
Despite my failure, I still technically achieved my goal. I published my first book. Sure, that goal doesn’t accurately describe what I wanted and still want out of my writing career, but it was the main objective. I did it.
Why wasn’t it satisfying?
Reaching A Goal Isn’t The End of the Journey
There’s this misconception that people cling onto when they’re unsatisfied with their lives. They believe that if they can just accomplish this or do that or earn this much in a year that they’ll finally be happy. They cling to it when it’s the only thing keeping them going. They don’t cling to it because it’ll actually bring them satisfaction.
That’s not to say that there’s no point in working towards something. Everyone needs some kind of goal or they’ll have no motivation to move forward. Whatever your goal is, it’s valid. Keep working at it because it’s not the problem. Expectations are.
Don’t expect some grand revelation when you reach what you perceive as the finish line. It’s not your goal’s responsibility to change your life. Only you can do that. That’s assuming that your life needs changing in the first place. I’m sure everyone could do with some sort of change, but what if that just means a change of perspective?
There’s Nothing Wrong With Being Dissatisfied
Dissatisfaction is a perfectly fine state to be in. You don’t need to chase a mood as fleeting as satisfaction to be happy. You can be the most dissatisfied person on Earth and still find joy in life. Satisfaction doesn’t automatically equal happiness. It’s related, but there’s a reason why they’re two different words.
Wanting things is what keeps us moving. Why do you work? You want to make enough money to live. Why do you eat? You want your stomach to stop growling; it’s annoying. There’s always something that you want and everything you do gets you closer to that something.
It’s a good thing to be dissatisfied with your life. It means that you want more out of it. I’d argue that one should never feel permanently satisfied. Not unless we’re talking about the temporary kind of satisfaction that comes with a job well done or a full stomach. That’s more of a wholesome feeling that further serves as a motivator.
That’s why I’m still writing. There’s still a place that I’m trying to reach. I have more books to publish, and I certainly have more articles to reach. I have more things that I need to do. You do too, even if you haven’t realized it yet.
The Cycle of Satisfaction
I mentioned temporary satisfaction earlier, but that really deserves its own section.
If you go through thirty years of life without feeling any sort of satisfaction from anything, then you may want to seek professional help. You’re definitely allowed to feel satisfied every once in a while. I’m just saying that it’s unhealthy to stay satisfied.
I didn’t feel much after publishing my initial book, but I did feel relieved when I finished all four books in my first series and compiled them all into an eBook box set. I finally felt like I’d accomplished something because I finished a whole series. There was nothing left for me to do with it. What else could I have felt in that one moment?
This also applies to other careers. I imagine that people are temporarily satisfied when they:
- Receive a raise.
- Get the promotion they’ve been chasing.
- Finish the assignment they’ve been struggling with.
- Pass an exam with flying colors.
- Obtain the “beach body” they’ve been working towards.
That list could have gone on forever. There are so many milestones to any journey. There’s so dang much to do that it’s led to the common consensus that life is too short.
The thing about milestones is that they’re tricksters. They trick you into becoming complacent. You’ve finally landed your dream house, so now what do you work towards? You won’t come up with anything at that moment, so of course you’ll feel satisfied for a while. The only way to avoid the trick is to acknowledge that there will always be more for you to do. Even if you may not have anything to tackle at the moment.
Once this article is published, I’ll certainly feel satisfied. I’ll smile a bit, allow myself a little break from writing. Then I’ll get right back to it an hour later. Let that serve as two lessons: there’s always more to do, but for the love of God, take a break every once in a while.
Conclusion
Satisfaction is a dangerous state. You’re allowed to be satisfied, but don’t become complacent. Always aspire to be more. I certainly do. I don’t have a set number of books or articles in mind. All I want to do is write until I can’t do it anymore. I don’t care about reaching an endpoint, I just want to enjoy the ride.
Kesten E. Harris is a self-published author and writer who goes around telling people to be unsatisfied or else. Check out his YA box set and receive his 6 ingredients for an interesting novel.